Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Previous Post's Finish
[Please see, of course, the previous post.]
So what should have been a single lackluster post now is two. Maybe I
needed a song to tell you reading my blog is just like reading my
blog.
>
So what should have been a single lackluster post now is two. Maybe I
needed a song to tell you reading my blog is just like reading my
blog.
>
--
Essays About Anything: http://essaysaboutanything.blogspot.com
The Fibromyalgian: http://fibromyalgian.blogspot.com
So Little Thought Goes Into Important (To Some) Things
I love PBS. So much so that I take the time to feel guilty that I
can't donate whenever a pledge drive is going on (which is way too
damn often). I'm living on disability income for gods' sake! Also, I
can't support something, regardless of how little, that is responsible
for Barney.
can't donate whenever a pledge drive is going on (which is way too
damn often). I'm living on disability income for gods' sake! Also, I
can't support something, regardless of how little, that is responsible
for Barney.
OK. There's a show called "History Detectives." A bried song
introduces the program, the lyrics of which are as follows (as best I
can tell): "Watching the detectives. Watching the detectives. It's
just like watching the detectives."
The song, then, informs the viewer that what they're about to do --
watch the (hisory) detectives -- is just (that is, exactly, like
watching the (hisory) detectives.
How the holy hell could someone about to watch a TV show need to be
told that the act of watching said TV show is just like watching said
TV show? That watching a specific TV show is exactly like watching
that TV show, I bravely assert, has never been questioned ever by
anyone.
[POST MUST BE CONTINUED ON A NEW POST.]
--
Essays About Anything: http://essaysaboutanything.blogspot.com
The Fibromyalgian: http://fibromyalgian.blogspot.com
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I'M BACK (but I've got some problems)!!!
Aaaahh yes. I finally feel up to blogging again, even though I don't
have the benefit of something like Ritalin or Provigil. Still, I once
again feel like posting my genius-level observations.
have the benefit of something like Ritalin or Provigil. Still, I once
again feel like posting my genius-level observations.
But, as mentioned above, there are problems. I need a laptop (PLEASE
DONATE THROUGH MY FIBROMYALGIAN SITE!) because my nearly-ten-year-old
computer isn't cutting anything anymore, barring me from the Internet
and anything else I need to blog.
SO: I have to post with my phone, which keeps my posts short (for some
reason the phone keeps my e-mails to a certain, rather short length).
So I can't post short stories or even flash fiction.
BUT: I can and will post what I can and do all I can to make my
hamstrung posts as wicked-sweet as possible.
Which boils down to this plea: Beloved readers, please come back to
me! I swear I'll never hurt you again!
--
Essays About Anything: http://essaysaboutanything.blogspot.com
The Fibromyalgian: http://fibromyalgian.blogspot.com
Sunday, May 10, 2009
An Addition To My Previous Prediction That the Next War Will Be With Pakistan
I'M BACK TO MY BLOG BABY!!!
Months ago I blogged that our next war will be with Pakistan.
If I remember correctly (can't check past post because I now have to
post using my phone), I didn't go farther than my prediction.
So it's important to note that a war with Pakistan will not be simply
with Pakistan. Pakistan has allies, India (Pakistan's eternal enemy)
has allies. Arabic and majority-Muslim countries (ie, the "Muslim
World," an inapt and offensive term) will side with Pakistan. Russia
will side with Pakistan.
And so we'll have World War III in our time.
And Christian and Muslim fundamentalists will be it's biggest cheerleaders.
(You can, with my love and eternal gratitude, help me get a laptop
with donations through my FIBROMYALGIAN site so my thumbs don't fall
off. And if people are kick-ass enough to help me out, I'll be
transparent about the process and let everyone know how much I take
in, and when donations no longer are needed for Project Get Bandini A
Laptop. Heart all of you!)
--
Essays About Anything: http://essaysaboutanything.blogspot.com
The Fibromyalgian: http://fibromyalgian.blogspot.com
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Dear Willie Mays (OxyClean Guy):
For the love of god stop yelling at me already!
--
Essays About Anything: http://essaysaboutanything.blogspot.com
The Fibromyalgian: http://fibromyalgian.blogspot.com
Thursday, May 7, 2009
UPDATE!
>
I've been off Ritalin for... eh, maybe a month-and-a-half, and haven't been able to write a single sentence that would be of any interest to readers.
Tomorrow I see my doctor. I'm going to get down on my knees, praise her as the goddess of all creation (or at least my personal goddess of pain control), and beg like hell for Provigil.
I can walk and move and a lot of things I couldn't before. But I can't write.
Anything of interest. (See this post.)
Hope to be back soon... And with a wicked vengeance.
PS: Posted in an Apple store. Buy a MacBook.
>
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Why I Haven't Been Posting:
>
Since moving to Portland I've been weaned off the medication I was using to assuage my chronic fatigue (a disorder comorbid with fibro), and now can't get anything done. I have a ton of half-posts I can't finish, which is just as well because they would seem half-assed because I can't focus, think, ad infinitum.
I'm working on getting a shrink who can get me on Provigil and should then be able to write. In the meantime, please stop by from time to time. When I can give my un-posted crappy drafts the care they deserve, you'll be deluged with the best writing since Shakespeare.
I hope to get a shrink and some Provigil ASAP. I figure I should be back on attack in mid-April.
As ever: Stay Tuned!
Kisses!
--C. Bandini
>
Since moving to Portland I've been weaned off the medication I was using to assuage my chronic fatigue (a disorder comorbid with fibro), and now can't get anything done. I have a ton of half-posts I can't finish, which is just as well because they would seem half-assed because I can't focus, think, ad infinitum.
I'm working on getting a shrink who can get me on Provigil and should then be able to write. In the meantime, please stop by from time to time. When I can give my un-posted crappy drafts the care they deserve, you'll be deluged with the best writing since Shakespeare.
I hope to get a shrink and some Provigil ASAP. I figure I should be back on attack in mid-April.
As ever: Stay Tuned!
Kisses!
--C. Bandini
>
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Prelude To A Father-Son Conversation
>
"Jesus goddam that bus was fifteen minutes late today! Fifteen this time!"
"We gotta go or somethin'?"
"We gotta hurry."
"H'come?"
"H'come?
Well son, you know how Mommy squeezed the life from Daddy's hopes and dreams--"
"'Course Dad."
"--and how the only thing that makes her happy is Daddy's misery and on forever like that?"
"Yes, Father."
"Well, I'll tell you when we get in the car."
>
"Jesus goddam that bus was fifteen minutes late today! Fifteen this time!"
"We gotta go or somethin'?"
"We gotta hurry."
"H'come?"
"H'come?
Well son, you know how Mommy squeezed the life from Daddy's hopes and dreams--"
"'Course Dad."
"--and how the only thing that makes her happy is Daddy's misery and on forever like that?"
"Yes, Father."
"Well, I'll tell you when we get in the car."
>
Sunday, March 8, 2009
It's not funny.
>
The homeopath
went on about
the evils of
antimalarial drugs
while slurping a
Gin and tonic --
the drink invented
(as tradition has it)
so India-colonizing Brits
could take their
antimalarial, bitter Quinine tastefully.
Samuel Hahnemann
took Quinine
some time after
he quit practicing medicine
and used its effects
to formulate
his invention:
homeopathy,
and its principal tenet
"like cures like."
Which makes arsenic
the cure for arsenic poisoning,
once it is diluted (or "succussed") in
water
until the
water
no longer contains a
single
atom
of arsenic.
Which makes pure, uncontaminated
(by the time the ill person takes it)
water
the homeopath's cure for everything
and the gin and tonic-swilling homeopath
an idiotic scammer
or, more likely,
dumb enough to
have been scammed herself
into scamming other idiots
since she
holds that Quinine is evil
though it led to the invention of the
bullshit quackery
that pays her bar bills.
Quinine info: Wiki.
Hahnemann info: Wiki.
Homeopathy info: Wiki.
>
The homeopath
went on about
the evils of
antimalarial drugs
while slurping a
Gin and tonic --
the drink invented
(as tradition has it)
so India-colonizing Brits
could take their
antimalarial, bitter Quinine tastefully.
Samuel Hahnemann
took Quinine
some time after
he quit practicing medicine
and used its effects
to formulate
his invention:
homeopathy,
and its principal tenet
"like cures like."
Which makes arsenic
the cure for arsenic poisoning,
once it is diluted (or "succussed") in
water
until the
water
no longer contains a
single
atom
of arsenic.
Which makes pure, uncontaminated
(by the time the ill person takes it)
water
the homeopath's cure for everything
and the gin and tonic-swilling homeopath
an idiotic scammer
or, more likely,
dumb enough to
have been scammed herself
into scamming other idiots
since she
holds that Quinine is evil
though it led to the invention of the
bullshit quackery
that pays her bar bills.
Quinine info: Wiki.
Hahnemann info: Wiki.
Homeopathy info: Wiki.
>
Thursday, March 5, 2009
"Maybe he did touch some children, but come on, it's Michael Jackson!"*
>
*"South Park"
I've had conversations with people. Quite a few, in fact.
Sometimes Michael Jackson is brought up in the course of certain discussions. I'll inevitably say something like:
"The mammoth piece of shit fucking monster is a goddam serial child molester."
And sometimes the person I'm talking to will say something like:
"Yeah, but you can't deny that Thriller is one of the best records ever."
"BUT"?
There is no but!
The argument seems to be ("South Park" again): "Sure he's touched some children, but he's entertained us for so many years..."
That is, Jackson being evil and disgusting and really, truly, ultra-mega evil is mitigated by the fact he's a gifted performer (which I would dispute).
The shitball could cure every type of cancer, end poverty, end huger, end war, and he'd still be a shitball that needs to be locked up in a cage unfit for that pet monkey he kept around and probably had sex with.
BUT all he's done is sing and dance.
Thriller sucks and Michael Jackson can't die soon enough.
>
*"South Park"
I've had conversations with people. Quite a few, in fact.
Sometimes Michael Jackson is brought up in the course of certain discussions. I'll inevitably say something like:
"The mammoth piece of shit fucking monster is a goddam serial child molester."
And sometimes the person I'm talking to will say something like:
"Yeah, but you can't deny that Thriller is one of the best records ever."
"BUT"?
There is no but!
The argument seems to be ("South Park" again): "Sure he's touched some children, but he's entertained us for so many years..."
That is, Jackson being evil and disgusting and really, truly, ultra-mega evil is mitigated by the fact he's a gifted performer (which I would dispute).
The shitball could cure every type of cancer, end poverty, end huger, end war, and he'd still be a shitball that needs to be locked up in a cage unfit for that pet monkey he kept around and probably had sex with.
BUT all he's done is sing and dance.
Thriller sucks and Michael Jackson can't die soon enough.
>
Faith-based healing.
>
The Chinese have compounded thousands of years worth of knowledge and experience into what Westerners call Traditional Chinese Medicine. And there's no doubt the West can benefit greatly from its many methods and practices -- many of which are based on the concept of Chi.
After all, China was able to boast a national average life expectancy of about 32 in 1950, while Western, more developed, countries had average life expectancies of 35 to 40 in the mid-1700s. And Chi remains a vaguely defined concept that lacks -- in any of its permutations -- any science to support its existence.
Nevertheless, I think it's important to heal people using both Western and Chinese medical traditions -- to use methods that have been proven to work in concert with those that have have been proven not to. We need to take a holistic approach to treating people... And to take that approach way too goddam far.
>
The Chinese have compounded thousands of years worth of knowledge and experience into what Westerners call Traditional Chinese Medicine. And there's no doubt the West can benefit greatly from its many methods and practices -- many of which are based on the concept of Chi.
After all, China was able to boast a national average life expectancy of about 32 in 1950, while Western, more developed, countries had average life expectancies of 35 to 40 in the mid-1700s. And Chi remains a vaguely defined concept that lacks -- in any of its permutations -- any science to support its existence.
Nevertheless, I think it's important to heal people using both Western and Chinese medical traditions -- to use methods that have been proven to work in concert with those that have have been proven not to. We need to take a holistic approach to treating people... And to take that approach way too goddam far.
>
Friday, February 27, 2009
The gods must be crazy.
England for the English.
>
A primary advantage of Britain's Constitutional Monarchy, and the primary reason the queen leads the State Opening every year in full regalia, is that the nation's populace is made ironically though still painfully aware it could, as it has more often than not, be led by a single person's whim.
She makes the members of the Houses of Lords and Commons seem like saviors.
>
A primary advantage of Britain's Constitutional Monarchy, and the primary reason the queen leads the State Opening every year in full regalia, is that the nation's populace is made ironically though still painfully aware it could, as it has more often than not, be led by a single person's whim.
She makes the members of the Houses of Lords and Commons seem like saviors.
>
Monday, February 16, 2009
Foot baths for fibromyalgia!
>
A friend told me her Mom has been much better lately, since she began using Fentanyl patches. (I had to tell her how to correctly pronounce "Fentanyl," and what it is.)
She told me she's proud that her Mom is less dependent on pills, an extremely subtle way of calling me a pseudo-addict pussy because I have to gobble massive quantities of orally administered medicine each day.
"My Mom looks at things differently."
Her Mom uses foot baths to help relieve her pain.
My friend equates her Mom feeling better with her Mom's decreased intake of narcotic pills.
She's right to do so. Her Mom can take fewer pills because her Mom is now on a drug hundreds of times more powerful than morphine. And than what I take.
My friend hates pharmaceuticals. Hates pills. Hates her Mom.
My friend ascribes her Mom's recent pain-decrease to her Mom's sunnier disposition. And to foot baths.
Not to the most powerful narcotic known to humanity.
This narcotic -- Fentanyl: so strong it's dosages are in micrograms, not milligrams -- has allowed Mom to have a sunnier disposition by decreasing her pain. Fentanyl has allowed Mom to take foot baths because now she can sit up for long periods without squirming in pain.
...I remain closed-minded and refuse to swap my pills for smiles, foot baths and Fentanyl. I'm doing all right with much weaker stuff (and a smile is a gateway expression) except for a drooling, teeth-grinding, fist-clenching hatred for fuckwad naturopaths who haven't heard of fibro but know I can be cured. And tell me how after I make it clear I'd rather not hear how.
Suggested cures have always involved something a fibromyalgian should never be subjected to, like chiropractic (for this example): someone applying crushing force directly to one's trigger/tender points.
If chiro cures fibro, then I expect to be able to cure broken bones by attacking fractures with sledgehammers.
...Jesus. I need a smile and a foot bath.
>
Questions (and no Googling for the answers):
>
No Googling -- but the answers are below.
1) How many US soldiers have died in Operation Attack Iraq Because Bush II Has A Vendetta?
2) How many Iraqi civilians?
3) How many US soldiers have died in the war in Afghanistan?
4) How may Afghan civilians?
5) How many Osama bin Ladens?
6) How many angels can dance on the point of a needle?
ANSWER KEY:
1) About 4,000. (There have been 4,242 confirmed deaths among the Coalition of Nations Dumb Or Asshole Enough To Send Their People To War Based On the Bush II Administration's Word. And I naturally estimate that the vast majority of those killed were US soldiers.)
2) Between about 91,000 and 99,000.
3) 651 US soldiers killed . Forty-nine were killed in 2002. 155 were killed in 2008, more than any other year. More than in 2002, 2003 and 2004 combined.
The total losses among all invading countries: 1,077.
4) Short answer: No one knows. Which seems fine because the vast majority of the Western World doesn't want to know.
"Estimates of civilian deaths based on media reports since the invasion of Afghanistan in October 2001 range from 4,800 to 7,000 killed by US and NATO forces, with another 3,000 deaths caused by insurgent actions. As in Iraq, figures derived from media estimates must be considered an under-estimation due to the lack of reportage of many incidents and the unknown numbers of wounded who died later of their injuries.
"The figure does not include the tens of thousands of alleged 'Taliban' deaths. In the past three years, media accounts based on US and NATO body counts add up to well over 10,000 fatalities among the insurgents. On a number of occasions, it has been subsequently established that the victims were innocent Afghan civilians." (World Socialist Web Site )
5) Zero. However, the US secretly launched Operation Natural Death years ago. Therefore, the number is expected to go up at any time.
6) Only one, and only if it's a gifted dancer. Thomas Aquinas holds that angels cannot occupy the same space -- or, as he has it, "contain" the same space. ("God and Reason In the Middle Ages," Edward Grant -- see the subsection Angels and Natural Philosophy, page 255.)
>
No Googling -- but the answers are below.
1) How many US soldiers have died in Operation Attack Iraq Because Bush II Has A Vendetta?
2) How many Iraqi civilians?
3) How many US soldiers have died in the war in Afghanistan?
4) How may Afghan civilians?
5) How many Osama bin Ladens?
6) How many angels can dance on the point of a needle?
ANSWER KEY:
1) About 4,000. (There have been 4,242 confirmed deaths among the Coalition of Nations Dumb Or Asshole Enough To Send Their People To War Based On the Bush II Administration's Word. And I naturally estimate that the vast majority of those killed were US soldiers.)
2) Between about 91,000 and 99,000.
3) 651 US soldiers killed . Forty-nine were killed in 2002. 155 were killed in 2008, more than any other year. More than in 2002, 2003 and 2004 combined.
The total losses among all invading countries: 1,077.
4) Short answer: No one knows. Which seems fine because the vast majority of the Western World doesn't want to know.
"Estimates of civilian deaths based on media reports since the invasion of Afghanistan in October 2001 range from 4,800 to 7,000 killed by US and NATO forces, with another 3,000 deaths caused by insurgent actions. As in Iraq, figures derived from media estimates must be considered an under-estimation due to the lack of reportage of many incidents and the unknown numbers of wounded who died later of their injuries.
"The figure does not include the tens of thousands of alleged 'Taliban' deaths. In the past three years, media accounts based on US and NATO body counts add up to well over 10,000 fatalities among the insurgents. On a number of occasions, it has been subsequently established that the victims were innocent Afghan civilians." (World Socialist Web Site )
5) Zero. However, the US secretly launched Operation Natural Death years ago. Therefore, the number is expected to go up at any time.
6) Only one, and only if it's a gifted dancer. Thomas Aquinas holds that angels cannot occupy the same space -- or, as he has it, "contain" the same space. ("God and Reason In the Middle Ages," Edward Grant -- see the subsection Angels and Natural Philosophy, page 255.)
>
Friday, February 6, 2009
Honey Bucket!
>
After seeing the below, I cared much less about being allergic to honey and, therefore, not being able to consume it.
Mm-mm!
>
After seeing the below, I cared much less about being allergic to honey and, therefore, not being able to consume it.
Mm-mm!
>
The Eternal Order Of Reasonably Civilized Monkeys.
>
The drawing I made and posted previously has something to do with something known as The Eternal Order Of Reasonably Civilized Monkeys.
How so? That is: How do I know the two are related?
I saw the writing and the drawing together, scribbled in marker on a bar's bathroom stall. Scribbled in the same hand.
So we have a group of bathroom vandalizers. Or -- which would be more fun -- organized crime with a funky name. Or anything in between.
No matter. I probably don't want to know. Finding out could result in physical pain (if we're dealing with organized crime) or disappointment or anything in between. Disappointment would be caused simply by knowing exactly what the Civilized Monkeys truly are. Then they would cease to be whatever I imagine they could be. And whatever they really are can't be as interesting as the hundreds of things I imagine they may be.
The drawing I made and posted previously has something to do with something known as The Eternal Order Of Reasonably Civilized Monkeys.
How so? That is: How do I know the two are related?
I saw the writing and the drawing together, scribbled in marker on a bar's bathroom stall. Scribbled in the same hand.
So we have a group of bathroom vandalizers. Or -- which would be more fun -- organized crime with a funky name. Or anything in between.
No matter. I probably don't want to know. Finding out could result in physical pain (if we're dealing with organized crime) or disappointment or anything in between. Disappointment would be caused simply by knowing exactly what the Civilized Monkeys truly are. Then they would cease to be whatever I imagine they could be. And whatever they really are can't be as interesting as the hundreds of things I imagine they may be.
Reality is no fun.
Still. I need to know what's up. And will likely take some trouble to find out, since everything is my business.
Therefore, the recommendation (which has been kid tested, mother-approved*) is that you Stay Tuned, Blogfriends, for further installments of Calvin Bandini In: The Case of the Mysterious Monkeys!
Therefore, the recommendation (which has been kid tested, mother-approved*) is that you Stay Tuned, Blogfriends, for further installments of Calvin Bandini In: The Case of the Mysterious Monkeys!
*I ripped off the Kix slogan. Kix is a cereal best eaten with heaping teaspoons of refined sugar.
>
>
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Panic: We are hanging here.
>
My attempts to load incompatible software onto my aged Mac have ultimately resulted in this:
I start up the computer and get a very strange screen with very strange words and numbers that end with
"panic: we are hanging here"
...Ohhhh-kay.
Looks like a complete reinstall is in my future.
A reinstall I will have to perform in a state of panic. Because they're hanging here.
>
My attempts to load incompatible software onto my aged Mac have ultimately resulted in this:
I start up the computer and get a very strange screen with very strange words and numbers that end with
"panic: we are hanging here"
...Ohhhh-kay.
Looks like a complete reinstall is in my future.
A reinstall I will have to perform in a state of panic. Because they're hanging here.
>
The devil had an aisle seat.
>
Since moving to Portland, the following has happened:
The mayor (Sam Adams) has become involved in what is being considered a scandal, in which the mayor lied about fucking around with an 18-year-old. Fucking around with an 18-year-old is legal. Portland's mayor is openly gay. Politicians lie.
A guy shot nine people in downtown PDX. Killed two teenage girls and himself, wounded the others. Gets far less news coverage than does the above item re the mayor.
The ability to tax cigarettes and alcohol is being sought by the state legislature.
...And so it seems derangement and evil took the same plane here that I did.
>
Since moving to Portland, the following has happened:
The mayor (Sam Adams) has become involved in what is being considered a scandal, in which the mayor lied about fucking around with an 18-year-old. Fucking around with an 18-year-old is legal. Portland's mayor is openly gay. Politicians lie.
A guy shot nine people in downtown PDX. Killed two teenage girls and himself, wounded the others. Gets far less news coverage than does the above item re the mayor.
The ability to tax cigarettes and alcohol is being sought by the state legislature.
...And so it seems derangement and evil took the same plane here that I did.
>
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)