Friday, February 6, 2009

The Eternal Order Of Reasonably Civilized Monkeys.

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The drawing I made and posted previously has something to do with something known as The Eternal Order Of Reasonably Civilized Monkeys.

How so? That is: How do I know the two are related?

I saw the writing and the drawing together, scribbled in marker on a bar's bathroom stall. Scribbled in the same hand.

So we have a group of bathroom vandalizers. Or -- which would be more fun -- organized crime with a funky name. Or anything in between.

No matter. I probably don't want to know. Finding out could result in physical pain (if we're dealing with organized crime) or disappointment or anything in between. Disappointment would be caused simply by knowing exactly what the Civilized Monkeys truly are. Then they would cease to be whatever I imagine they could be. And whatever they really are can't be as interesting as the hundreds of things I imagine they may be.

Reality is no fun.

Still. I need to know what's up. And will likely take some trouble to find out, since everything is my business.

Therefore, the recommendation (which has been kid tested, mother-approved*) is that you Stay Tuned, Blogfriends, for further installments of Calvin Bandini In: The Case of the Mysterious Monkeys!

*I ripped off the Kix slogan. Kix is a cereal best eaten with heaping teaspoons of refined sugar.
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Thursday, February 5, 2009

Panic: We are hanging here.

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My attempts to load incompatible software onto my aged Mac have ultimately resulted in this:

I start up the computer and get a very strange screen with very strange words and numbers that end with

"panic: we are hanging here"

...Ohhhh-kay.

Looks like a complete reinstall is in my future.

A reinstall I will have to perform in a state of panic. Because they're hanging here.
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The devil had an aisle seat.

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Since moving to Portland, the following has happened:

The mayor (Sam Adams) has become involved in what is being considered a scandal, in which the mayor lied about fucking around with an 18-year-old. Fucking around with an 18-year-old is legal. Portland's mayor is openly gay. Politicians lie.

A guy shot nine people in downtown PDX. Killed two teenage girls and himself, wounded the others. Gets far less news coverage than does the above item re the mayor.

The ability to tax cigarettes and alcohol is being sought by the state legislature.

...And so it seems derangement and evil took the same plane here that I did.
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Sunday, February 1, 2009

Caring Is Creepy.

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I knew finally
that she wasn't
attracted to me
after I asked her
if she was and
she said she wasn't.

Still, one night
I insisted we meet
and I kissed her.
Before she got mad
I said
"Thanks. I can't
taste
my dead grandfather's forehead anymore."




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Thursday, January 29, 2009

I live in a city I didn't live in two weeks ago.

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I moved to Portland.

I'm seeing a sign/symbol/Chinese character drawn/painted/wiped on any surface that will take it. It freaks me out and I can't find out what it is -- means. ...Well, Google offers nothing and Wikipedia doesn't know a thing, which means I don't because one is my library the other my brain, respectively.

I drew the sign/whatever from memory:


And drew in red because I see it almost exclusively in red.

Odd as hell.

So is the fact that everyone in this city seems genuinely kind. (Just had a chill down the spine.)

...Get Cheney back in the White House and give him as many person-sized safes he needs to feel comfortable. We need an asshole to check this freakish shit out. And dig up Hoover in his dress and exhume McCarthy...
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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Burn this computer.

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I just read Fahrenheit 451, a book by Ray Bradbury. My understanding is that most high schoolers are forced to read it. Somehow, I wasn't. And so I didn't side with the firemen, stop reading and quit school to work on a farm to raise, have sex with, and butcher livestock.

Bradbury's not good. And not the one to make the case against burning books.

(Of course, I'm much worse than he is. But I'm not making the case for saving word-strings.)

Get a load of Faber. The character and his relationship with Montag was so goddam contrived how could he have been anything other than a police-plant?

But no.

And the ending -- saving books inside people, people negating themselves, considering themselves only the books they carried in their heads.

Fine fucking life.

Of course, preferable to the shitstorm of the city, to having Denham's Dentifrice drilled up your nose into your frontal lobe and wagged about.

Still, the book ends with the book-band marching away from the city.

What?

The city is utterly ruined, and you guys are off to be walking shelves.

Why not take what was the city and make it a big goddam library, grab all weapons available to fight off the government -- if it remains at the closing of the book... It could have been bombed to nothing as well -- make what you want and protect it?

That the walking books choose to roam around the not-cities seems to champion pastoralism. Blech.

...Thus ends Fahrenheit 451, the temperature at which you could burn Fahrenheit 451: A bunch of ass-hats are roaming the countryside, many books within them, to wait until the phoenix of man rose from the ashes of its war-lust.

...They do so instead of making whatever their ideal society would be from the ashes of the bombed-out metropolis so conveniently behind them.

They make a simile (phoenix) and then can't use it.

Goodbye, Blue Monday!

ETC.

(I also re-read Breakfast of Champions. The Vonnegut writing machine was set to Massively Self-indulgent prior to aforementioned book's creation. ...But the man draws a fine asshole.)
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Saturday, January 17, 2009

America: the Christian nation that rejects christ.

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OK... Haitus begins after this post because there isn't a "well enough" and there's nothing I care to leave alone.

Research for my last post brought me to an article by Bill McKibben in Harper's Magazine. Read the whole thing.

Some highlights from said article (written in 2005) to encourage you to do so:

McKibben notes that "somewhere around 85 percent of [Americans] call ourselves Christian. Israel, by way of comparison, is 77 percent Jewish."

Still, he wonders:

"But is [America] Christian?" ... "What if we chose some simple criterion—say, giving aid to the poorest people—as a reasonable proxy for Christian behavior? After all, in the days before his crucifixion, when Jesus summed up his message for his disciples, he said the way you could tell the righteous from the damned was by whether they'd fed the hungry, slaked the thirsty, clothed the naked, welcomed the stranger, and visited the prisoner. What would we find then?"

We find that, "by pretty much any measure of caring for the least among us you want to propose -- childhood nutrition, infant mortality, access to preschool -- we come in nearly last among the rich nations, and often by a wide margin."

Also:

* "Despite the Sixth Commandment, we are, of course, the most violent rich nation on earth, with a murder rate four or five times that of our European peers."

* "We have prison populations greater by a factor of six or seven than other rich nations."

* "Having been told to turn the other cheek, we're the only Western democracy left that executes its citizens, mostly in those states where Christianity is theoretically strongest."

* "Despite Jesus' strong declarations against divorce, our marriages break up at a rate -- just over half -- that compares poorly with the European Union's average of about four in ten." ... "[C]ompare our success with, say, that of the godless Dutch, whose divorce rate is just over 37 percent."

* "A rich man came to Jesus one day and asked what he should do to get into heaven. Jesus did not say he should invest, spend, and let the benefits trickle down; he said sell what you have, give the money to the poor, and follow me. Few plainer words have been spoken. And yet, for some reason, the Christian Coalition of America -- founded in 1989 in order to 'preserve, protect and defend the Judeo-Christian values that made this the greatest country in history' -- proclaimed last year that its top legislative priority would be “making permanent President Bush's 2001 federal tax cuts.”

*A "furor erupted last spring when it emerged that a Colorado jury had consulted the Bible before sentencing a killer to death. Experts debated whether the (Christian) jurors should have used an outside authority in their deliberations, and of course the Christian right saw it as one more sign of a secular society devaluing religion. But a more interesting question would have been why the jurors fixated on Leviticus 24, with its call for an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. They had somehow missed Jesus' explicit refutation in the New Testament: 'You have heard that it was said, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.”

McKibben comes to his own conclusions.

My conclusion: Were there a heaven, nearly all American Christians could get in only by killing Saint Peter and rushing the Golden Gates.

Which it seems very likely they would do, given the above.
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